the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
