Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
