So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
