some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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