I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
