let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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