4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
