my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
