He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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