i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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