She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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