She announced her abortion via fbk
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
