We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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