and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
