Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
