They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
