Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
