when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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