the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
And then my night got REAL pukey
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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