My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
