Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
