zippers are such a cool invention
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
