There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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