but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize