she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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