I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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