Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
