i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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