We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Randomize