i just wanna soil my oats bro
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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