I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
