Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
