wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
