I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
