That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
We are all done wearing pants today
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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