do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
