you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
