As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I can't turn off my feet"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
