everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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