we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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