I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
