All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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