honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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