great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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