i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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