worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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