my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
