Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
