I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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