dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
