While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Im part way to drunk.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
