He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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