There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
