A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
