My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
