I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
