1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
