i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
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