I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
