Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I need a burrito and a hug.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
