You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
