Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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