My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
We need to rekindle our bromance
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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