guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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